Memories In March
by EvilAngels26
Summary: Only after a loss can we be resurrected.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N 1:** I'm on a roll, so bear with my incessant ramblings. I plan to make this one of those very long stories and hope to complete it before I die.

**A/N 2:** Please do bear with me if the initial few chapters are cryptic because there'll be flashbacks later to give it more coherence. **Trigger warning: Death of a child, **so please read only if you're comfortable with it.I hope tragedies like this which tear apart families never befall any of you.

**A/N 3:** None of the characters in this story belong to me. I declare that Miranda Priestly officially belongs to Meryl Streep and the rest of it belongs to Lauren Weisberger or Fox Studios, whichever.

**A/N 4:** Un-betaed, so all mistakes are mine.

_Your absence has gone through me__  
__Like thread through a needle.__  
__Everything I do is stitched with its color."_  
― W.S. Merwin

_**The smallest coffins are the heaviest**_

July 11th, 2009

Sunday, 9:24 a.m.

Bethesda Fountain, Central Park

She doesn't have reason to be here anymore. Patricia is long gone and the girls haven't asked for another pet as yet. However, she still seems to have not fallen out of the routine of bringing Patricia to Central Park, along with her family every Sunday morning.

The house is empty because her fourteen year old twins are at their father's, so she seeks out solace in the water of this fountain.

Today she doesn't recognize her reflection in the water and it's been like this for a few days, no months, no, almost a year.

It's not just her physical appearance- of course her hair's whiter if that's possible and she has more wrinkles poking at her skin and she's lost weight, too much weight. But that's not it, there is something in her eyes that she doesn't recognize, like someone else is staring back at her-someone who learnt and enjoyed and lived and then suddenly died in a moment. This new woman whom she doesn't recognize was only born last March.

March signifies the arrival of Spring-The winds in March are as ferocious as the lion and yet as soft as satin. Winter is over after all- spring is just around the corner. The sap is beginning to run, the buds are swelling, and wildly exotic flowers are beginning to poke through the mould and duff! Rejuvenation is in the making and a thousand things are happening underground that for six long months or more were dead and forgotten.

In all creation there is nothing more exhilarating that this rebirth of life. She mocks at the irony of her situation.

She got a new life alright but it's the one she never wanted back. They gave her hope and then went away in March. Not long after, Patricia left too.

Loss is such an indefinable thing, the grief of it stays back no matter what you do.

It's the girls and her again and the occasional sleazy scumbags from the grand Runway soirees who are worthy enough to spend only a night in her bed.

She doesn't like these encounters per se, but she needs it. A plunge into oblivion, a momentary respite from that constant ache, a moment of carnal pleasure, a futile attempt to take her away from an ever-present grief.

She wonders how Andrea is coping. They didn't even see each other at Trinity on the one year mark.

It's been a year and four months. Almost. Yet it's new, the pain and the ache and the grief seem to have been afflicted on her yesterday.

She is knocked out, literally, of her thoughts by a St. Bernard almost climbing onto her looking for something and for a moment she thinks it's Patricia, but isn't, because this one's smaller and wilder unlike her docile darling.

She ruffles her fur and talks to her in the dog language she seems to have mastered and the dog looks at her lovingly. She misses Patricia but can't seem to get herself a new one. She misses too many things which are unattainable.

She's scared of loss. She's not very good at it. She doesn't think she can take any more of it. Not again.

She wonders who this dog belongs to. As if to answer her question a little boy of about 5 comes running out of nowhere screaming in the most melodious voice 'Jessie, Jessie where are you?' He sees Miranda and stops 2 steps short of her.

And for a moment Miranda loses all sense of time and place. There is something all too familiar about him. The blue eyes and the brown hair. That lovely smile. _He would've looked like this, just like this._

His mellifluous voice breaks her out of her reverie, 'Jessie, get down girl, mommy is calling us!' He seems completely un-intimidated by Miranda's presence but nevertheless looks at her curiously.

Miranda is fascinated by this little boy and she can't help but smile lovingly at him. She wonders how different her life might have been if, _if he would've been around._

_There would have been no ties of blood between them but those eight months within her womb had been enough for her to lie down on the tarmac to save his life._

'Why are you crying?' The boy asks and Miranda wonders for a moment who he is speaking to before realizing its directed at her.

She traces her fingers over her cheeks and can feel the hot wetness of tears against her cool skin.

She finds her voice and says, 'I don't know sweetheart,' she traces a finger across his cheek, 'what's your name?'

'Christopher, but everyone calls me Chris.' He says nonchalantly. She withdraws her fingers like they're gonna get burnt by merely touching his cheek.

This all seems so very surreal to her.

She can't get herself to say the name again. Not even after a year and four months. Instead she takes the dog whose name she's learnt is Jessie and puts her down from her lap. 'Here you go.'

She doesn't want him to go. If she could she'd look at him forever, but she can't find words to stall him.

'Chris, Jessie where are you nerds?' A voice, a very very familiar voice calls from behind Miranda.

She doesn't want to hope or believe so she turns her head back not expecting to see Andrea, not at all. But there she is, in all her glory wearing that old Northwestern hoodie and skin hugging jeans. Her hair is different-shorter and edgier with more fringes. She looks like a teenager, almost.

And then their eyes meet while time stops, yet again.

They're at either sides of the fountain, only the water preventing them a clear view of one another.

And suddenly Miranda is acutely aware of her appearance. She knows she aged a little too much ever since their last meeting.

Miranda is frozen in place while Andy walks over taking in her appearance, their eyes still on each other, as if piercing the souls.

Christopher is the first to break the quiet, 'Mommy, Jessie was being a naughty girl, so I had to come look and then,' he looks up to Miranda and adds, 'this snow fairy helped me.'

The adults can't help but laugh at his choice of words. The moment is cut short with Jessie running off again and Chris following her.

'Don't get too far away!' Andy shouts out.

And then there is silence, absolute. Only interrupted by the gurgling sounds of the water from the fountain.

Too much water under the bridge. Too much grief and pain. Too many things left unsaid. Too many memories.

_Don't grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form. Andrea had said, only is she had heard._

Andy, yet again, is ready to break the ice, 'I adopted him last July and then got Jessie. I figured he would have looked like him. How are you?'

Miranda ignores the last part of the question, 'Chr-Christopher?!' It's the first time she has said the name since last March.

'Yeah, like I said, he reminds me of him.' Andy says smiling radiantly, almost glowing. Then she looks at Miranda and says, 'You look...You've lost a lot of weight.'

Miranda had hoped she wouldn't notice. She smiles wryly and adjusts her clothes as if that will miraculously make her gain weight. Ironically, she had been underweight even when they had met last, atleast according to Dr. Abbasac.

'Hmm,maybe. You look beautiful.'

Andy blushes,'Oh well. It's him. He keeps me on my feet all day! He's a bundle of joy.'

A physical ache courses through Miranda's body. She wants to be happy for Andrea but can't get herself to be. She knows Andrea has found a way to make those painful memories her strength and go ahead with what life has to offer, while she still clings on to the memories from last March.

'Yes he seems like it. You're so brave Andrea.' She says with a faraway look on her face while she rests her hand on her abdomen for a momentary second.

'No Miranda. We chose two different paths. That's it. The pain will always be there, but I chose to make new happy memories to cover it up. You decided to not make an effort.'

And Miranda's defenses are up again. She bristles at the insinuation. What does she know about pain? How could she say such a thing?

_Then again, wasn't it Andrea who had lost her only heir, a tie of blood. They had both lost him, so what if she had carried him, it did not hurt Andrea any less._

All the memories, the pain-physical and mental, the heartbreak, comes back-she remembers March-all the fear, the momentary joy, the panic, the frantic hour before everything, her world as she knew it crashed around her and then, then came the grief-the ever-present grief gnawing constantly at her existence.

She puts her hand on her flat abdomen again, involuntarily, pushes back the grief, the frustration and anger to the recesses of her mind.

'I've read your articles, they're unique and refreshing. You're doing great.'

Andy ruffles her fringes, something Miranda has forever adored,'Umm, thanks. I'm glad you like 'em , it means a lot. I got a promotion so we just moved in to this side of the city!'

Andy sees Chris and Jessie venturing out of sight and shouts out again, 'Don't go where I can't see you, you two.'

Something warm stirs in Miranda's heart seeing Andy like this; she wonders how different things might have been.

Miranda realizes that Andrea is so much more mature and brave than she is.

'Congratulations, I'm sure you deserved it.' Miranda says and Andy smiles again.

'How are the girls, and Runway?'

'Rebellious, is the word I'd se, for both. They're growing and Runway is Runway.' If Andy hadn't majored in Miranda 101 she wouldn't have understood her cryptic answers, but Miranda's tone and answer says _it's the same as you left them._

Andy wants to talk to Miranda more, but she can see Jessie and Chris getting impatient. Her hear breaks to see Miranda this way and even after everything last March she wants to see Miranda happy. But she has moved on and duty calls her.

'Umm, I gotta go, Chris..he's waiting. I'll see you around.' And even before Miranda can reply she takes off.

Miranda turns back to see Andy running up to Chris and taking him in her arms. Her heart clenches at the sight and yet is filled with an incomprehensible joy. For a moment, her eyes meet the child's rystal eyes and she has hope, the flicker of hope she has always had, that nothing is truly ever lost.

Who knows what tomorrow holds for you.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N 1:** Please see all disclaimers from the first chapter before .

**A/N 2:** I have a serious problem; I don't know how to include line breaks. Anyway, I'm dealing with a topic about which I don't have the first idea about, it's all just research and what you'd call 'writer's license'. So don't sue me for incorrect facts, I'm trying.

**A/N 3:** I'm gonna follow a pattern of alternate chapters-switching between the present and the past, hope it doesn't get too confusing. This way you'll have healthy doses of joy and grief, haha. All text in italics is a narration of past events.

**A/N 4:** Un-betaed, so all mistakes are mine. Also please let me know what you think if you're reading this. Thank you to those who commented, favourite and followed.

"_Hope is the thing with feathers__  
__That perches in the soul__  
__And sings the tune without the words__  
__And never stops at all."__  
__―_Emily Dickinson

_17__th__ June, 2007_

_11.34 p.m._

_Master Bedroom_

_The Townhouse_

'_I ,' followed by a string of incoherent words babbled by the silver haired fashion maven from in between Andy's breasts where she has buried her face inhaling in her lover's scent and then 'baby.'_

_Andy is still recovering from the body shattering orgasm Miranda had her endure and her mind is still fuzzy from everything that transpired in the past hour- the foreplay, the hot open-mouthed kisses, the sucking, the mixture of juices flowing, their hands going all over the place, did she mention the kisses, Miranda's breasts..Miranda herself, things that have happened for quite a while now, but which seem new and exciting every time around._

_They've been together for almost nine months, she left in Paris alright, but she left Runway. That was all. She was soon back in Miranda's life by a dumb stroke of luck, there were a lot of tears and apologizing and the rest as they say was history._

_So, she is used to these adorable half-talks of her otherwise stern lipped lover, during sex. She loves when all Miranda can utter is 'Aahs' and 'Uuhns' and then becomes a babbling sleepy mess._

_So she doesn't care much about what Miranda says and casually utters a 'Yeah' while caressing Miranda's back._

_At this Miranda cocks up her head and looks at her lovers face, with utmost sincerity and focus, 'Really?'_

_And now Andy is confused. 'Umm, yeah sure. Uum, you're... my...baby!?' she hopes this is what Miranda had said._

'_What? I'm you're..what?' and then it dawns on Miranda that her words haven't been paid attention to at all and she cackles. Yes, Miranda Priestly cackles in the safety of her house, in the arms of her lover who looks at her like she is a work of art._

'_Andrea, do keep up. I said... I want to have your baby.' Miranda says while she turns herself over and settles in Andy's arms._

_It's a Saturday and the twins don't have school tomorrow, thank God, because then they can sleep in till late and talk about important things tonight. Like it is happening right now._

_If Andy was confused a minute ago, she is dumb-founded now. She wonders where this is coming from, it's true they had been talking about kids because Andy is young and wants to becom a mother like any other woman. However they soon realize that her uterus isn't viable for carrying a child. Andy remembers crying herself to sleep while Miranda had tried to soothe her very awkwardly, because Miranda Priestly can't do emotions. She can only offer solutions to problems like she is doing right now._

'_If you can't carry it, I will.' Miranda says matter-of-factly and slowly sits up._

_All thoughts of sleep, coffee and unfinished news paper articles leave Andy's mind while she just keeps staring at her lover who looks back cockily. This is Miranda's way of consoling someone and Andy knows this isn't insincere._

_She needs time, time to process this, time to assess how crazy this sounds, and time to know how safe this is for Miranda, so she decides to stall her._

'_Umm, Miranda, last I remember, my Biology teacher said an embryo is made by the fusion of an egg and a sperm, umm..I am..I'm not capable of you know, producing..I'm not a guy.'_

_Miranda has the gall to look amused and then a bit annoyed. She shifts away from Andy, slightly miffed and Andy knows all this kidding won't work. When Miranda Priestly is serious she is nothing but._

'_I have been looking at surrogacy brochures and I spoke to Susan, she says it's perfectly safe.' Miranda says while playing with the ring on her index finger._

_Andy stares, mouth agape._

'_Susan, Dr. Abassac? My gynaecologist.' Miranda repeats._

_Andy shakes her head, 'Yeah, I know who she is! Are..are you sure?'_

_Miranda glares._

'_Yeah..umm, you..you, umm, we need a donor.'_

'_Yes, they are readily available. I'm not interested in seeing him, you can choose. Susan says her clinic is more than equipped to perform the IVF culture and I can continue visiting her if I do get pregnant. If you agree, I can get an appointment set up for us, tomorrow.'_

_Miranda is very very serious about this and does not want to waste time and Andy knows not to make fun of this. So she says what she is expected to._

'_Sure, okay!'_

_And that's how it's done. Like that, just like that the ball is set rolling._

_The next few weeks is a blur- doctor's appointments, extensive research on surrogacy procedures, the dangers of it (of course Dr. Abassac hadn't said it's 'perfectly safe' unlike Miranda had enunciated), finding a donor, getting used to the fact that they were actually trying to have a baby._

_When Christine, Miranda's first assistant tells Emily who is now the new assistant Art Editor about the frequent trips to the doctor she pretends to not understand or analyse the situation although she tells Nigel nevertheless who pretends to do the same._

_Miranda had of course kept to her word and declined to have a look at the donor. Andy realized that Miranda did not do empty words and hollow emotions, she did actions, selfless actions like this to show Andy what she meant to her. Andy decides she's never felt luckier in life._

_So she chooses blue eyes which would remind her of Miranda and the love she has for her. Although has already told her that given her genotype the chances of the baby having blue eyes would only be 25% given blue eyes were a recessive trait. She goes ahead with a white male with brown hair and blue eyes, about her own age, not especially handsome but attractive nevertheless. _

_While Andy does as she is told to do for the IVF culture, Miranda is put on a million different medicines to prepare her uterus to receive the embryo, which meant her hormones were all over the place which also indirectly implied that the Runway staff was buried alive._

_After the procedure, Dr. Susan had very sternly ordered a two day bed rest to which Miranda had acquiesced after much coaxing and cajoling._

_Andy has been working on auto-pilot mode all these days and she dioesn't know what to feel. Not when most of the work is over and all she can do is wait, wait for the results, and wait for the test to show up 2 pink lines. She has realized, that after all, she wants this, wants this more than she's ever wanted anything else in her life, almost as much as she wants Miranda._

_On the other hand, Miranda is a waking, sleeping, eating, talking mess. Somehow she feels responsible for whatever the outcome might be- she is in charge of Andrea's baby and like everything under her control this too needs to be perfect, this can't get screwed up. Not in a million years._

_So, everything is a mess, a tangle of nervous energy, tangy acrid attitudes, and moods over the edge, ready for a volcanic eruption, too many emotions-terror, apprehension, anxiety, and excitement._

_It's this one thing-now or never. They will not allow this to go awry._

_Luckily the twins don't catch on the tension because Miranda and Andy have no intentions of telling them anytime soon. They have enough at school to worry and be excited about. They want to tell no one until they're a 200% sure._

_15__th__ July, 2007_

_7.24 p.m._

_Master Bedroom_

_The Townhouse_

_It's been 14 days since the whole IVF transfer of the zygote to Miranda's uterus took place. _

_They had started checking from day 11 for results and had come up negative all three times till last night._

_ said it might take time or it might even mean that the process has been a failure, the chances of which are high, given Miranda's age and physical health._

_Andy is pacing outside the bathroom, her hands are wet from perspiration and yet she has them clamped around each other and is wringing them every other second. It's exactly like that scene from the movies where the father is waiting eagerly for the 'good news' outside the delivery room._

_Both of them have been losing hope with every night that the result showed up negative. She doesn't have much hope for tonight either. It won't work out after-all. It's not meant to be. She loves Caroline and Cassidy perfectly well and it won't matter in two days, but still..._

_The bathroom door opens._

_Andy is overtly anxious to see Miranda's face and hope against hope that they've done it. But she can't see Miranda emerge and her heart drops to her feet thinking Miranda is too ashamed or sad or whatever else to even show her face._

_But then, then a woman peeks from behind the door with a shy smile on her face. She looks exactly like her Miranda, but younger more radiant and beautiful._

_It is Miranda after all, as she emerges from behind the door. She nods once and then smiles again-she suddenly looks younger, almost miraculously._

_Andy is delirious with joy and again she doesn't know what to do._

_Miranda is still standing there with that shy expression on her face which Andy has never seen before. She looks beautiful and Andy knows her mind is playing tricks with her but there is something different about the way Miranda looks- something somewhat maternal and it gives rise to this ridiculously warm feeling in Andy's heart._

_Miranda is pregnant with her child and Andy feels a fierce wave of protectiveness over her, the way she feels with Caroline and Cassidy._

_She internally pledges to take care of Miranda and this unborn child who is giving rise to these unknown emotions that she has never felt before._

_She ultimately finds courage to move from her spot and close the distance between them._

_She doesn't thank Miranda because that's not the right thing to do, because it's their child, the gratitude is mutual, Andy realizes as she gazes into her lovers eyes._

_Instead she kisses Miranda, who kisses back as passionately as Andy is kissing her. Everything from the past few weeks: the tension, the anxiety, the worry all melts away in that moment when their tongues battle for a mutual existence in each other's presence._

_This, tonight, just knowing about the things to come infuses them with enormous hope and that is enough. Enough gratitude for having each other in their lives and the child that they can rightfully call theirs._

Thanks for reading.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N 1:** Please read the disclaimers from Chapter 1 before proceeding.

**A/N 2:** Again, all italicized lines are references to dialogues uttered in the past. So hope it doesn't get too confusing.

**A/N 3:** I know this might look like one of those really morose fics, but I'm a sucker for happy endings so be rest assured there is hope and happiness in the end.

**A/N 4:** Thank you to all those who commented, hope I can keep up to your expectations. Un-betaed, so all mistakes are mine.

"_I sustain myself with the love of family."__  
_― Maya Angelou

23rd July, 2009

1.03 p.m.

Jim's Shanghai

Chinatown, Manhattan

Miranda comes here because she feels safe. Safe to think about Andy and everything she misses.

So just like they did every Thursday, when Andy was there, the twins and Miranda made their way to that hideous food-joint in Chinatown which Andy emphasized was the 'best thing in the world.'

Of course soon it did become one of the greatest things in the world, atleast to the twins, and secretly to Miranda. This place holds too many memories, inerasable and fleeting and much too wonderful.

So they come here. Miranda's assistant whose name she doesn't remember keeps this slot free for her, without fail, because Christine and Emily and Nigel all make sure that she does so. Miranda knows that this is the only form of true happiness she can give the twins these days; of course there are the incessant gifts which she showers them with. But they're bigger now at 14 and much too older for their years anyway, so the gifts are just a pathetic substitute for whatever it is that Miranda thinks they crave.

Caroline and Cassidy look forward to Thursdays. Every Thursday is a treat. Jim's Shanghai is the only remnant from that part of their lives that they remember as happy. They know that their mother tries, tries to give them all the happiness, shield them from the grief, just like Andy did. Except Andy was better at it. She managed to keep them happy. Truly happy. By doing things, things like this-lunch at small places, playing at local video game parlours, going to theme parks and every other ridiculous thing Andy did with her dad when she was a kid she did with them.

They miss Andy dearly, but that night from last March is seared all too well in their fourteen year old minds.

_And don't try to contact my children. That's all._

And that had been that for them. They hadn't heard from Andy since that night in March. They sometimes try to read those articles in their Mom's study, safely stacked away in a corner, all bearing the same by line in them. By Andy Sachs. They don't understand much of it, but somehow they feel safer knowing Andy, their Andy is safe, somewhere.

Today's one of those days when it's sunny and bright and you're supposed to feel happy, but Miranda is anything but. That scene from two weeks back keeps playing in her mind, again and again- the little boy, Andrea, the St. Bernard, things that were once hers.

No matter how many times she tries to push it back, it comes back to haunt her again and again. She didn't tell the girls about her meeting of course.

So while the girls get their plates laden with dim sums and tell her about their week, Miranda sits there half listening half somewhere else.

And then the air shifts, not like when Miranda enters a room and the temperature dips and suddenly everything goes quiet, this feels more like a sudden infusion of warmth, and the chimes near the door ring, somebody enters.

And Miranda knows, she knows Andy is here again, she can feel it in her bones.

As Andy enters the deli a thousand memories rush back, she hasn't been here since the last Thursday of February last year. She's tried too hard to move on but it's been a difficult year, only Chris's presence has helped her survive.

She is afraid to fall back in love with all these things from the past, Jessie and Christopher are enough for her. She's learnt to let go and make new memories, but these past few weeks, ever since she met Miranda, the older memories keep consuming her whole. This place is bringing back memories which she thought she no longer remembers, but which after all have been there all along.

She'll learn to make new memories here too, and she looks around the place to take it in while balancing Chris on her hip.

She sees Chris pointing a finger at something and she presumes its one of the savouries but as her eyes reach the spot she sees Miranda Priestly staring back at them, face as white as paper.

Andy has this immense urge to rush out of the restaurant that second and run away from everything that connects her back to this woman. However Chris is already wriggling in her arms and so she lets go of him while her eyes still stay fixed on the older woman who is still looking back with that blank expression on her face.

Before Andy knows it Chris is out of her arms and running towards Miranda. He had asked about Miranda when they had gone back from the park the other day, apparently he had taken a serious liking towards her 'snowy hair'. Andy had averted talking much about her by indulging him in a bag of doughnuts.

When she had made the decision of moving up here she knew that her chances of bumping into Miranda had increased but she didn't expect this to happen so frequently. She'd never in a million years think that Miranda would keep visiting this joint much after Andy's departure. Then she reasons out that perhaps the twins had forced her to which brought her to the question of where the twins were.

And then her eyes fall on the two red heads sitting at the table with Miranda facing away from her.

There is a sudden commotion and she can't see Miranda anymore. She sees the red heads turn back and look towards something. For a moment her heart fills with joy at their sight, it's been over a year since she last saw them. They look older and prettier, so much like their mother. She can of course recognize which is who- and for a moment she somehow feels as if she sees herself in them.

She tears her vision away from them to look at what they're looking at so curiously.

At first she only sees the snowy haired woman bent over something and then her eyes focus on something in her arms. Her boy, her son is lying in Miranda's arms and crying. He must have hit one of the furnitures and fallen down.

Almost spontaneously she rushes to the spot and she sees that he's bleeding near his left eye. She kneels down to inspect the cut while he keeps crying in Miranda's arms who's uttering non-sensical baby language to get him to keep quiet. She's glad someone else is there because Andy's mind has stopped working.

'Mommy my head hurts.' Chris wails while clinging onto Miranda's blouse.

_We can't lose him._

'We need to take him to the hospital, this needs stitches.' Miranda says while looking up at Andy but keeping her grip tight around the boy. Miranda's eyes are shining with what Andy thinks are unshed tears.

_We._

Andy nods vigorously while Miranda lifts him up in her arms.

The twins who've now managed to reach the spot seem to be utterly and completely clueless and flabbergasted. Here is their Andy looking as Andy as ever and then there is this boy who's got those blue eyes and is calling Andy mommy and then there is their Mom who seems determined to make sure the little boy is alright.

Their mother is already making her way towards the door with Andy trailing behind. Cassidy rushes and takes one of Andy's hands who looks down unseeingly and gives the little girl's hand a light squeeze. Caroline is quick to hold open the door for Miranda with all the strength she has.

That threat from last year seems a galaxy behind. _And don't try to contact my children. That's all._

Because Miranda herself has broken it by taking Chris in her arms while Andy holds onto Cassidy for strength.

Andy has never seen this much blood on Chris and she knows it's gonna be fine because her head tells her that but she's shit scared in her heart.

_We can't lose him._

Suddenly she has an armful of Chris as Miranda thrusts him onto Andy and get's into the driver's seat of her red Porsche and mutters a hasty 'GET IN.'

And of course Andy obeys her and gets into the front seat while the twins clamber in at the back. And in a minute Miranda whizzing past cars and sifting through busy rush hour New York traffic.

'Don't let him fall asleep,' Miranda's voice breaks, then 'keep talking to him,' she says in a stern, detached voice.

The twins dare not say a word although their minds are bursting with questions.

'Hey buddy, where does it hurt?' Andy manages while stroking a thumb across his cheek.

'Head!' he says faintly.

'For godsake Andrea, talk about something else.' Andy looks at Miranda whose eyes are focused on the road but her face is beet red. And... and... she's crying.

Shit.

Andy wonders what's making Miranda cry- she has an idea of course- it can't be Chris because he isn't that hurt and he's not even Miranda's son, although...no, Miranda is crying because, because and Andy cannot get herself to remember why because she fears that even she'd start crying.

And that she can't, not when Chris is in her lap, she needs to be brave for his sake, make him believe it's gonna be okay.

She muses that it had always been that way. Miranda would start out strong and then break down while Andy played the reverse role. It worked well mostly but then one night in March it stopped working altogether.

'Mommy I feel sleepy.' Chris slurred.

'Yeah sweetpea, we're here, it'll be fine. Tell-'

'If you're gonna be a good boy and recite Twinkle Twinkle Little Star Mommy is gonna buy you ice-cream' Miranda cut in as she glared at Andy through glassy eyes. Andy cringed.

And just like his mother, Chris too obeyed Miranda and started reciting the poem. The pain and disorientation made him forget words which were provided by Caroline and Cassidy and occasionally by Andy. And even before the rhyme was over they were in the emergency ward of the New York Presbyterian where he was wheeled into the operation theatre as soon as they saw who was with them.

While the doctors stitched up the wound the four of them waited outside the operation theatre.

_You'll please wait here; the doctors are working on him the nurse told a frazzled Andy who held onto a shell shocked Miranda._

The twins were still scared to even utter a word but once the doctor had assured that Chris would be fine once it was all stitched up Andy felt much more at ease and she turned to regard the girls. Her girls. The ones she had come to love as her own. She remembers the first few months when everything she did with Chris would remind her of them.

They're sitting in their bench in their not so identical frocks quietly regarding the woman they had come to accept as their mentor, friend, companion and almost a second mother. A stable source of joy and entertainment.

'You both have gone so big. Look at you being pretty.' She hugs them and smells in their scent and mumbles 'I've missed you.'

And they huddle into her, and just keep clinging onto her and mumble 'we missed you too'. When they disentangle themselves their eyes are watery and so are Andy's. She feels a need to explain, tell them about everything and all this while Miranda just stares blankly at them without even uttering a single word.

'Chris..Christopher' she nods towards the operation theatre, 'and I moved up here a few weeks back because my office is closer from here. I adopted him last year in July.' They're old enough to know the truth, so she offers it plainly to them. And then she doesn't know what more to say, so she adds 'how have you been?'

'Great' they chorus and Andy knows they're not interested in talking about themselves but would rather want to know more about Chris, where they're staying, would they see her again, will she come to the townhouse, where did she find Chris, why does he have blue eyes and brown hair and so many of the other questions that their faces betray. And sadly Andy doesn't have the answer to most of them.

As if on cue the OT door opens and the doctor comes to her rescue, 'He's fine. Just a few stitches. He's still unconscious so he might have a slight concussion when he wakes up. Nothing too serious. You can see him once we shift him to a room' he addresses Miranda directly and ignores the rest of them before he takes off his gloves and walks away.

Miranda turns her head sideways to look at Andy and does the familiar 'eyebrow raise' as if to tell Andy 'did you hear the doctor, you were fussing unnecessarily'. As if.

Andy walks upto where Miranda is standing and takes her in. She looks tired just like the way she had looked two weeks back and her make-up had been good enough to hide the dark circles until she cried and ruined it. Her expensive cream chiffon blouse is ruined with little patches of dried blood on it.

Andy doesn't know how to thank her for being there and helping her out with Chris so she stupidly points at the blouse and says 'Umm, I can pay for the..umm...dry-cleaning' and even before the words are out of her mouth she knows what a grave mistake she has committed.

_Andrea never talk to me about money or fight with me over it. Understood_

Oh she had understood alright, so what happened tonight? She sees Miranda's face going red and her left eye twitches. And for a moment there is that flicker of hurt in her eyes which changes into contempt the next second.

She turns on her heels and walks past her like a hurricane muttering a stern 'Come girls' after her.

The twins look back at her, and all she can do is nod her head sideways to tell them she's sorry but they can't do anything and their mother is long out of sight, so they follow suit.

And like that, just like that Andy is left waiting alone in the hospital ward. Alone. As usual.

_Thanks for reading. Reviews would be the greatest thing in the world because it's that one thing writers require to keep them going._


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N 1:** Read disclaimers from Chapter 1 before proceeding.

**A/N 2:** I thought this chapter would deal with the complications of the pregnancy etc but then inspiration took me somewhere else. This is the first time ever that I'm writing smut and I don't have the first idea about it. So, be gentle, I'm sorry if it's a disappoitment. Really.

**A/N 3:** Thank YOU all for reviewing! Really helps me a lot!

Un-betaed so all mistakes are mine.

"_Happiness is not the means to any end. It is the end. It is its own goal. It is its own purpose."_  
― Ayn Rand

_15__th__ July, 2007_

_9.04 p.m._

_Master Bedroom_

_The Townhouse_

'_Make love to me. It won't be long before all you get is a hormonal, whiny, sick, and bloated up woman.' Miranda panted after breaking away from the kiss Andy was indulging her in._

'_Sshh. None of that. Didn't I tell you, I'll love you whenever, wherever, whatever, however.' Andy said while nuzzling her head in Miranda's neck, inhaling her unique scent and wrapping her hands around her lover's still slender waist._

_Miranda disengages the upper part of their bodies to look into Andy's face. Andy can't quite read the emotions in those crystal blue eyes but she guesses that it has something to do with relief, gratitude and reverence, but her mind is still reeling from all the happiness and it is probably deceiving her. _

_Then Miranda smirks and leads her to their bed by hand, looking back at her occasionally with that mischievous grin on her face. _

_Then she plays hard to get, of course. Typical Miranda._

_Miranda settles in bed and very nonchalantly starts taking off her earrings and then her heels and all the while Andy is standing near the bed, her sex throbbing with desire for this woman who drove her mad each waking moment of her life. _

_Andy knows Miranda is extremely pleased with herself having been able to drive her lover crazy with her antics only and Andy knows it isn't long before she gives into the teasing._

_Miranda begins to take off her stockings and her olive green velvet skirt rides up exposing a flawless ivory thigh and that's enough for Andy._

_She climbs into bed and stops Miranda midway while she purrs into her ears 'That's enough.' _

_Miranda whimpers and turns her head sideways as that stubborn forelock falls onto her face. Andy takes advantage of the exposed patch of skin on her neck and showers it with warm open mouthed kisses. This time Miranda moans. Her right hand which was attempting to take off her stocking falls limp for a moment and then she lifts it up to caress Andy's right arm while her other arm draws Andy further into Miranda's body. _

_No matter how many times they've done this before the thrill of it is as new as it was the first time. Andy struggles with taking off Miranda's expensive skirt careful not to rip it and then starts work on the beige blouse with the plunging neckline which had otherwise given enough access to her. But she needs to see Miranda, needs to worship the body which will carry her child. _

_While Andy succeeds in divesting Miranda of her garments, Miranda has been less successful. The kisses she's being showered with is driving her mad with ecstasy, so all she can do is whimper, quiver and moan as Andy takes charge._

_Andy looks up for a moment to marvel at her handiwork. Miranda is completely naked on their bed, flushed with blotches of red marring her otherwise flawless neck and breastbone. The stubborn forelock glints in the golden light of the room as Miranda quivers then raises both her hands in a gesture to call Andy back, already missing the feeling of her body against hers. _

_And that is enough to make Andy plunge back into the bubble of carnal pleasure as she kisses Miranda all over. She plant a fervent kiss on each nipple and nips at it while Miranda whimpers, and then travels down to that scar near her stomach which is a reminder of her having given birth to her precious daughters._

_Andy's heart is again filled with pride thinking about how in 9 months this body would have given birth to their child. This, tonight feels new, as if Andy is born again. As if this Miranda underneath her, carrying this child inside her is even more beautiful and radiant, if that's possible._

_She can feel Miranda's scent strongly and the rest can go to hell because she needs to taste her, so she slowly parts her legs and is more than happy to see that Miranda's dripping wet, her outer lips red and swollen ready to be paid attention to._

_Andy flicks her tongue across the outer lips and Miranda moans in delight 'Oh darling' and holds Andy's head in place while thrusting her hips forward._

_Andy is glad for the easier access and starts her ministrations in full swing. She plunges two fingers into Miranda while she keeps lapping at the abundance of juices. _

_Miranda whimpers and quivers and emits little 'Aahs' and 'Uuhns' which makes Andy fuzzyheaded._

_She fucks Miranda in slow even rhythmic movements and when Miranda whimpers breathlessly 'Faster!' she does exactly that while grinding her palm into Miranda's clit and soon Miranda is cumming all over Andy's hands and shivering in the aftermath of an orgasm trying to contain her moans by biting into the pillow._

_Her chest heaving, face flushed, eyes closed in ecstasy, with that silver forelock sticking due to the sheen of sweat covering her forehead. All the while Andy holds her and revels in being with Miranda and seeing her caught in the throes of passion._

_Andy feels like the luckiest girl on Earth._

_As Miranda rides out of her orgasm and gets her bearings back Andy settles down beside her happy and sated enough to be this way but Miranda has other plans as she climbs atop Andy and kisses her mouth tasting herself on Andy, 'Let me love you.' _

_Then all Andy remembers is revelling in Miranda's hands all over her body and kisses from paradise and orgasming even without the help of Miranda's hand. So loving Andy Miranda does and that too for a great while after which they fall into a dreamless sleep wrapped in each other's arms._

* * *

_4.04 a.m_

_Andy stands near their bedroom window with her back towards the room and her lover who's sleeping soundlessly on their comfortable bed._

_A slight frown mars her beautiful features as she looks out into the dark, seeing nothing. Last night had been a ridiculously happy moment in her life, she had never felt such happiness but this morning when the newness of it has worn off, just a bit, she lets the other worries sink in._

_She desperately wants things to be alright, for Miranda to not suffer too much or be in too much pain, she wants this to be successful, she wants this to be easy and lots of other things which sound improbable._

'_Andre-Andrea' she hears her lovers sleepy voice calling her back to bed. She turns back to see Miranda looking dis-oriented with her sleep mussed hair as she blinks and then extends a hand to call Andy back to bed._

_Who is she to reject the offer? It's cold, Miranda and a warm bed calls._

_She climbs in as Miranda covers them with a blanket and wraps her hand around Andy's mid-section. But sleep evades Andy and like everything else Miranda is quick enough to catch it and know the reason of her lover's worry._

'_We'll do this. It'll be fine.' She says assuredly and Andy smiles. Her Miranda is capable of anything in the world and she'll do this too._

_She turns to look at Miranda who's looking lovingly into her eyes and Andy is hopeful again. Yes they will do this._

_So she smiles and says instead, 'I'm not rich enough to buy you expensive presents but know this that I am so grateful..so very grateful.'_

'_Andrea never talk to me about money or fight with me over it. Understood.' Miranda huffs._

'_Yes yes understood, I just want to..to let you know in some way what this means to me.' She rests a hand on Miranda's flat abdomen and kisses her forehead._

_Miranda pulls at a chain on Andy's neck which she has worn ever since she was 5. It's a simple gold locket with an 'A' on it, it was a birthday gift from her grandfather and she has always loved wearing it. It's simple and small and not too expensive but it's one of her prized possessions._

'_Give this to me' Miranda says coyly._

_Andy is amazed that Miranda would want something so plebeian, so common and want to make it her own. So she asks, 'Give it..umm, you want to wear it?'_

_Miranda glares and gives her the 'what-else–do-you-think-I-would-do-with- it?- Eat-it.'_

_Then she softens and says, 'That way I can carry you around with me all the time.' Then a smirk._

_Andy again has that feeling of being the luckiest girl alive._

_Without another word, she takes it off and ties it around Miranda's neck. They both look at it for a while and then Miranda takes her hand, kisses it and drifts off to sleep while Andy is left to muse over her good fortune._

* * *

Reviews are like Meryl Streep, exquisite and wonderful! Thanks for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N 1:** Read disclaimers from Chapter 1 before proceeding

**A/N 2:** Yes, you can kill me for the extremely slow and short updates, but you know how sickening life can get. It's a miracle I'm alive.

**A/N 3:** Slow moving chapter which might lull you to sleep. You've been warned!

Un-betaed, so all mistakes are mine!

* * *

"Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it."  
― Mark Twain

23rd July, 2009

4.15 p.m.

New York Presbyterian Hospital

'Ma'am, this might be yours, your umm...son was holding it when he was taken to the operation theatre.' a nurse says as she extends a hand to give a brooding Andy a plastic pouch.

She takes the pouch absentmindedly while still cursing herself for being so stupid. She meant to thank Miranda for helping out with her son but she ended up irritating or angering or hurting Miranda, whichever.

She looks up to see the OT door open as they wheel out Christopher, who's still unconscious.

'We're shifting him to Room C-157, you can come along with us.' The same nurse says.

She strokes her hand over Chris's cheek and kisses his forehead and then allows them to wheel him into the lift.

She looks unseeingly at the lift buttons and plays with the pouch in her hand. The gold trapped inside it catches the lift's light and blinds her for a second.

She squints and looks down at it. A very familiar object is staring back at her. Her gold chain. Miranda's gold chain. She cannot prevent the tears from pooling in her eyes.

She wonders for a second how Chris had come to acquire it and reasons out that he probably must have pulled at it while in Miranda's arms.

She still wears it. Miranda still wears it. SHE STILL WEARS IT.

A feeling of fleeting victory and a strange happiness courses through her body. One of those long lost feelings stirs in Andy's solar plexus. She smiles absentmindedly and takes it out of the pouch and strokes her fingers over the 'A'. It still feels the same.

The elevator dings and they proceed towards the room, her eyes still fixed on the chain, evoking memories that were long lost.

23rd July 2009

9.07 p.m.

Miranda's Bedroom

The Townhouse

Miranda closes her bedroom door and leans against it waiting for the avalanche of tears.

The twins and her came back to an empty house. The twins didn't dare discuss Andy and Chris of course. Instead they ate dinner, did homework and went to bed, while Miranda went around acting as normal as was possible- doing things like working on the book, having dinner with the twins, helping them with homework and putting them to bed with a kiss on the forehead each.

She knew the twins would have questions to which she wouldn't have answers so she preferred the awkward silence over whatever else she was expecting.

Now in the safety of her room she can let the tears come. She thought that she had spent her entire reservoir of tears last March, but there are always tears when one requires it. Like for instance, now.

She cries for last March, she cries for their dead child, she cries for having driven Andrea away, she cries for the twins who she's never been able to give enough happiness, she cries for the personal failure that she is. But above all she cries for not being able to move on. For being stuck, stuck on 28th March, 2008. She's not been able to move since then.

Today, the feeling of that little boy in her arms had seemed to have completed her somehow. She had felt at peace with herself, a feeling which had evaded her for too long now.

Somewhere, inspite of the unpleasantness of the situation, she had felt a pull, a maternal feeling towards that boy, a feeling which was already half dead if not for the twins.

Her heart had skipped a beat when she saw Christopher fall down and hit his head; she had run to him spontaneously and taken him in her arms. Like any child's mother would do. But which any human being would also have done. However, what she had felt in that moment was different, auspicious, not worthy of being cheapened by Andrea to a dry-cleaning bill.

She was furious at Andrea for having said such a thing. How could she think she could pay her back with money? She had helped Christopher selflessly! Or had she?

Maybe her motive had been more selfish and the more she thought about it, the more she realized that it was indeed a selfish act. A chance to feel again. To feel what it would have been like if Christopher were alive. How he would have felt in her arms. His scent, his soft hair, his baby skin, the tears, the pain, everything, everything all mixed up. She had reached out to him, almost haplessly, desperate, to snatch and hang onto him for that thin sliver of sanity.

She hadn't been able to control her tears in the car- everything, the whole situation had come tumbling down on her reminding her of things from their past, she had felt herself choking from the memories and the pain. She had not wanted to be weak in front of Andrea or the girls but she had been fighting for too long now-struggling to put all painful thoughts aside-to concentrate on Runway and the girls and suddenly all in a moment, Andrea and this little boy had been thrust into her life again and it was more than what she could take. So she broke down, like she breaks down again now.

She leans against the expensive rosewood door-frame of her bedroom and sobs. Heart wrenching, body racking sobs, the kind of sobs Andrea kissed away oh so tenderly. She reaches out for Andrea's locket for strength and hope and a semblance of sanity but can't find it around her neck. She panics, a flash of terror courses through her entire body and suddenly she is shaking.

She can't lose this, not this. The last link to everything sane, everything happy, everything sunny, everything Andrea. Something she wore without shame, a symbol of her fragility, an inability to survive without Andrea.

Suddenly she is up and about looking all over her bedroom. She can hardly see from all the tears which is falling freely now. When she's done searching her room, it looks like a warsite- drawers open, things upturned, clothes strewn all over the place and still no sign of the golden chain.

She leaves her room to forage the rest of the townhouse, wherever she's been today- the kitchen, the washrooms, the den, the living room, she even ventures ever so quietly into the twins room to look for it. But it's nowhere.

All this while, the thought that it isn't in the house is plaguing her mind, the fact that she has actually lost it is absolutely unacceptable. It could be anywhere, in the office, the car, the hospital, the deli! She simply cannot lose it! She will not allow that.

And then she remembers-Christopher in her arms, holding onto her, no-no, no—not her-her pendant, her chain.

Does he still have it? Did he drop it on the way or throw it somewhere? Is it somewhere in the hospital? Does, does Andrea have it?

She feels momentarily humiliated thinking what Andrea might feel about her still wearing it and she feels that rage again- the rage about still having to be so dependent on one person while the other person seems to have moved on. A little too much. Bulit a new life, a happy life.

23rd July, 2009

9.15 p.m.

New York Presbyterian Hospital

Andy has spent the last five hours sitting in a very uncomfortable chair next to Chris' bed holding tightly onto a golden chain in one hand and Chris' hand in the other while he sleeps peacefully.

Chris had regained consciousness sometime in the evening for a while but had been very disoriented and groggy. He had managed to sip on some juice and mumbled a string of jumbled words before drifting off to sleep again.

The doctor had informed Andy that she would be allowed to take him home once he was awake again and they had checked his vitals.

So here she was sitting beside the bed with four cups of coffee already in her system and fretting over the ridiculousness of the evening. She still couldn't believe she had screwed everything up with her naivety and to top it all she has Miranda's pendant.

She knows she needs to return it to her but she also doesn't want to embarrass Miranda or make her feel self conscious about still wearing the necklace. And most of all she wants Miranda to keep wearing it.

She revels in a masochistic way knowing that Miranda has not completely washed her out of her life. That Miranda needs her just like Andy does, all the time. She might have tried to move on but there isn't a day that Andy Sachs doesn't cry before going to bed. The pain is still as raw as it were, she mourns everything that she has lost and tries to make up for it through what she has. But it's immensely difficult. She wonders if it's ever going to get easier.

She remembers the car ride-Miranda crying for God knows how many things, Chris hurt, the twins sombre and clueless, her bewildered.

She has realized this much in their last two meetings: that Miranda has fared worse between the two of them. When she left her last March both of them had been wrecks-angry, frustrated, grieved, shocked and all those emotions accompanying events which break you down completely and wring everything out of you.

She had thought Miranda would bounce back soon, recover quickly and get back to Runway, forget all about Andy and March and all the memories they had made. And weirdly that is what had allowed Andy to move on, to become stronger, to make an effort to live again.

And here she was a year later, seeing Miranda, broken, more than ever. And that had been her undoing. So she sits and weeps once again and wonders how things will end after all, because for one thing, she knows: Miranda and she are not done, not even close.

She is pulled out of her whirlpool of thoughts when Chris stirs in the hospital bed. He pokes a finger in his eye to get rid of the sleep, blinks blearily and furrows his eyebrows then he looks directly at his mother's face.

'Hey buddy!Howd'ya feel?' Andy kisses his forehead and removes the hair that has fallen onto his forehead.

He smiles, 'I'm fine mommy, only head hurts a little.' Then he looks around and Andy knows what he might ask next.

'Where is Snow Fairy?' a certain wonder swims in his eyes. Andy's feels almost crestfallen to see the expectant look in her son's eyes and curses herself for having driven Miranda away, yet again.

'She's home sweetheart. It's pretty late, but we have something of hers that we need to return.' She takes the chain from within her palm and holds it out.

Chris looks at it momentarily and then asks 'Well, let's go then?'

Andy is taken aback to see the kind of enthusiasm and determination he says it with, Miranda clearly seems to have worked her magic on her son, who seems all too eager to meet her inspite of his injury.

'Then I also need to say 'thank you', right mommy? Coz she helped us.'

Andy beams with pride.

'Yes, that's absolutely right sweetpea, you do need to thank her! But it's too late tonight baby, we're gonna have to go some other day. Tomorrow maybe.'

'NO. We have to go now!' he says in that typical irrational childish voice of a five year old.

Andy doesn't know what it is about Miranda that attracts Chris but there definitely is something which is driving Chris to be so emphatic about meeting her.

It's a game of fate. It is. Everything, all things in Andy's life, centered in around Miranda and the girls and it's come back to that again. The cycle of life. She needs to face Miranda again, for better or for worse.

So once the hospital gives them the green signal, Chris and Andy find themselves in front of the beautiful Elizabethan door of that all so familiar swanky townhouse which houses Chris' 'Snow Fairy'.

* * *

_Thank you for reading, favouriting/following or commenting! Can't tell you how much it means, I'm a sloth so I'm bad at individually letting you lovelies know, but I appreciate the motivation._

_Next one will probably be a happy-ish flashback and then Miranda and Andy meet again! Hope you enjoy!_


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N 1:** Please read disclaimers from chapter 1 before proceeding.

**A/N 2: **I won't give you pathetic excuses for the extreme lack of updates, but know that I'm really sorry! I've been trying to sort out my life.

**A/N 3:** Thanks a million for the reviews!

Un-betaed so all mistakes are mine.

"I know that pain is the most important thing in the universes. Greater than survival, greater than love, greater even than the beauty it brings about. For without pain, there can be no pleasure. Without sadness, there can be no happiness. Without misery there can be no beauty. And without these, life is endless, hopeless, doomed and damned."

-Harlan Ellison

_2__nd__ August 2007_

_6:30 a.m._

_Townhouse_

_Master Bedroom_

_Andy's hand suffered a m__ajor blow when Miranda all but ripped it from across her abdomen and thrust it aside while she hauled herself up from bed and almost broke open their bathroom door before emptying the contents of her stomach into the toilet._

'_Oh gosh!' Andy exclaimed as she dashed in after Miranda still half sleepy on her two wobbly feet, as she stared at her wife vomiting vigorously and waving her hands towards Andrea, gesturing her to go away._

'_No! Umm, I'll help, I can do this!' she says and grabs a washcloth from the bathroom vanity, soaks and wrings it in water and puts in on Miranda's neck._

'_Umm-umm—this should help-the books say so—I'm—I'm also supposed to give you crackers and saltines, I have them sta-'_

'_ . . We're in the bathroom for godss-' and another bout of vomiting. _

_Oops. Andy still has a lot to learn. First hand. _

_She grabs a box of tissues and gives them to Miranda who flushes the toilet and accepts it._

'_Welcome to your new life—I promise you, all that you will be is disappointed—all those starry eyed speeches of how beautiful and perfect I am will be replaced by how disgusting and fat I am. I won't blame you of course; I hope the books are telling you all this.' _

_Andy doesn't say anything, instead she helps Miranda stand up and waits for her to rinse her face. Once she is done, she looks directly into Andy's face who's still just standing there with this unreadable look on her face. Miranda raises an eyebrow, demanding an explanation or some small talk apparently._

_Andy just grins and plants a chaste kiss on her nose leaving Miranda wide-eyed._

'_Of course, they also talk about how expecting mothers start glowing and look like angels' Andy puts a hand on Miranda's abdomen which is still pretty much flat, except for the faintest of swell, 'and with time as the little one grows inside them they even let you talk to them and feel their kicks; and then when they have their crazy midnight cravings, they'll be so cute and whiny and grumpy you'll want to kiss them senseless.' Andy smirks._

_Miranda opens her mouth to say something but can't seem to get her words out, instead she keeps staring at Andrea who grins like an idiot 'Miranda-0; Andy-1? Oh, I can go on.' And she kisses Miranda's nose again easily, the benefits of being taller._

_Miranda stares red faced-either embarrassed or aroused or even a tad bit annoyed._

_Andy makes her way downstairs to prepare a tray of saltines and lemonade but smirks over her shoulder and says, 'Don't worry I'll get you through this.'_

_Miranda just stands there marveling at her good fortune._

_Andy's new to all this, she's never done the baby thing before, Miranda has, and of course she knows it isn't easy but she can see Andy's perseverance and support and her readiness to learn more . She's naive, yes, but after everything Miranda thinks, her Andy is definitely capable of pulling her through this._

* * *

_It's like the Gods really want to test how much Andy's promise to her lover is sincere because getting through each day gets tougher and tougher._

_Everything around her is a maze as she walks through the days operating almost mechanically- seeing off the girls to school, going to office, being called at odd hours of the day as Miranda suffers fainting spells at the office, coming back home to a sick, exhausted and moody Miranda, getting the kids to bed and then the whole drill all over again._

_The kids who were thrilled to know that they would soon have a new baby brother or sister grew increasingly worried seeing their mother this ill every other day. Andy wasn't helping much either with her harried disposition and confused self._

_Miranda on her part tries to hide everything as much as she can. She hates to be the one to keep Andrea awake with worry at night, she hates being treated like she's made of glass by the kids and Andrea; but things have been crazy and it does feel like she's made of glass. The morning sickness which has increasingly turned into something like a round the clock thing would leave her exhausted and with an empty stomach daily. The doctor had already complained about her not gaining enough weight but she had just convinced Andrea it had to do with her petite frame. It was a task to get herself out of bed and get to work while trying not to vomit or collapse every other second. It hadn't been as bad during the twins, she recalled, it had been bad of course but it had subsided after the first trimester mostly._

_She was already into the fourth month and nothing as yet, the medicines had stopped working and she had been written off as a case of 'hyperemesis gravidarum' for which she'd probably have to be hospitalized if it got too serious._

_Miranda had tried very hard to make everyone(including the doctor) believe 'too serious' would only mean if she were on her death-bed, after all she had a fashion empire to manage!_

_She had already made two trips to the hospital for a half a day each when she had fainted at Runway in-between run-throughs and shoots. Miranda was truly trying her best to eat and keep it all down and not throw up or faint every other minute but it was getting increasingly difficult every passing day._

_This was the time when Miranda Priestly started praying again and hoping against hope that things would fall into place, that she'd be able to get through this unscathed, mentally atleast. The doctor had promised that things would improve once she hit the beginning of the third trimester, so she prayed, like never before to keep Andrea's child, safe within her._

_4__th__ November 2007_

_Priestly Dining Room_

_Manhattan Townhouse_

_8.20 p.m._

_The sound of chinaware crashing put Andy out of her sleep-wake state in front of her computer screen (where the last sentence read 'Challenging situation due to Sub five per cent growth and double digit inflationnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.'). She jumped out of her chair in 'her office' and charged towards the kitchen knowing all too well it was probably the twins messing around._

'_Caro, Cass, I told you I'd do the dish-' she stops mid-sentence as she sees the girls hurry down the stairs._

_Andy looks at them. They look at Andy._

'_Andy...we heard a crash!' Cassidy says sceptically._

'_While doing homework.' Caroline adds and everybody is thinking the exact same thing._

_Miranda._

_For a second Andy finds herself rooted to the spot but then she sees the girls running towards the kitchen and a nerve snaps in her head. She dashes even faster._

_Miranda's lying on the floor in her sea green nightgown, legs askew, the silver forelock falling over her face and her left hand fiercely protecting the now visible swell of her belly even while she's lies unconscious. _

_There are broken pieces of Chinaware in the dishwasher but it's a miracle they haven't scattered anywhere near where Miranda is lying._

'_Mom!' Cassidy exclaims and is at once kneeling down in front of the prone figure and tugging at her gown. _

_Andrea has never seen Miranda like this, the only times she's ever fainted is at office and she had generally met the usual 'done with your shit' Miranda at the hospital, tugging at the IV pipes ready to get back to work._

_The Miranda she knows is larger than life, not defeated by such fripperies, so seeing her looking so small and vulnerable makes her brain shut down completely and she wordlessly sits down and takes Miranda's head on her lap, and stares._

_Caroline turns out to be the adult in the situation and calls the doctor and arranges for an ambulance while opening up the windows and filling a glass of water, her hand shaking all the while._

_Miranda's eyes flutter about 10 seconds later and her brow scrunches up and she rolls her eyes in immediate disgust at being obsessed over._

_Two sets of identical crystal blue and one of chocolate brown stares back intently, unblinking._

'_I'm fine.' Miranda says patronizingly as she tries to haul herself up but slumps again with a whimper in her lovers' arms._

'_Yeah. We can see that.' Cassidy spat._

'_I called the hospital, they should be here. Mom, are you very ill?'_

'_Nonsense bobbsey, I'm fine. I don't need to go to the hospital. I was just a little dizzy because of the medicines sweetheart.'_

_Another attempt to move arrested by a firm hand on Miranda's shoulder. She looks up to see Andy staring back with an unreadable expression on her face._

_Andy hasn't felt so powerless in her entire life. She can't see Miranda this vulnerable-it leads to some sort of a visceral feeling inside her and she feels unhinged—unable to comprehend or talk, so she just clutches onto her lover until the ambulance arrives and whisks her away._

* * *

_4__th__ November 2007_

_Room 402_

_NY-Presbyterian University Hospital_

_9.10 p.m._

_Miranda bit her tongue and looked around the room sheepishly, careful not to meet those 3 sets of scary eyes as the doctor examined her chart._

'_Miranda, I cannot emphasize enough how much bed rest you need. Due to your condition you're hardly getting enough nutrition and that's the most imperative thing at the moment-you need enough nutrition for two-keeping off your feet will not get you this exhausted. The best I can do is IV nutrition supplements but they'll only work if you listen to me—that is-I want you here, on bed rest, for a week.' said._

'_No. Simply no.' Miranda spat as she smoothed the blanket over her belly and then made the mistake of looking towards Andrea whose eyes were ablaze with anger and something which said 'this isn't a joke, it's an ultimatum.'_

'_Uh, I can stay at home though and work from there and you can fit I don't know how many of these godforsaken machines you want to.' She added sounding so certain one would think she was saying it out of her own volition._

_Andrea's eyes became softer._

'_Fine, tonight I won't let you off, but tomorrow morning I can allow the transfer.' Miranda nodded and closed her eyes letting the fatigue win over._

_Dr. Abassac subtly motioned Andy to follow her outside._

'_Hey kiddos, try and get some sleep here I'm gonna fetch myself a cup of coffee.'_

* * *

'_Andy, I trust you to take care of her. I wasn't very enthusiastic about this right from the beginning but we both know Miranda. I did an ultrasound today.'_

'_And?'_

'_And..she's already four months along, the normal fetal crown to rump length is about 10 cm and weighing about 100 grams. She's been depriving herself of proper nutrition so the baby is a little smaller than normal. I didn't to stress her out but she HAS to take better care—she's underweight and I can understand it's due to hypermesis gravidarum, so we need to keep her on IV until that goes away.'_

'_But...Susan how can you say the child's smaller, I mean she's already started to show.'_

'_Yes that's because her uterus is anteverted and I'm not saying the size difference is glaring but we need to put it under control effective immediately._

'_Ohkay...I'll make sure. Don't worry.'_

_Dr. Susan Abassac stood and watched the young woman walk away towards the room again and marvelled at the fact that this woman had matured immensely over the past few months._

* * *

_By the time she returns the girls are fast asleep on the only couch in the room which leaves Andy with a stool to sit on._

_She smiles at the mass of gangly arms and legs all tangled together—they're not used to seeing their mother like this as well—they deserve the rest. She plants a soft kiss on their foreheads and covers their little bodies with a blanket._

_Then Andy grabs the stool and places it beside Miranda's bed and sits down with a soft plop. _

_Andy scrutinizes Miranda's face for a long while. Come to think of it, she—correction-they've been so busy they've hardly had nights when they just lie back silently and do nothing, they don't even need to make love or make conversation-they just lie-one against the other and everything else just melts away._

_This hasn't happened in a while-because mostly Miranda is out like a light as soon as she hits the bed and Andy is equally exhausted from all the extra work—so now is when she gets a good look at Miranda's face—it's still got a greenish tinge to it, but her cheekbones seem to have acquired a character of their own and she looks kind of wan and tired still except for a tinge of colour creeping up her neck._

'_Oh, say something for God's sake!' Miranda says through close eyes. 'I can literally hear you breathe.' She opens her eyes._

_Andy puts her hand behind Miranda's head and pulls her face up and kisses her fiercely, almost bruising Miranda's lips who is staring at her wide eyed with the most stunned expression on her face._

'_Don't scare me like this, EVER AGAIN. My rules. From today. That's all' Andy does the eyebrow thing, she has learnt well._

_And her rules it is. Miranda does not dare disobey Andy as she is put on bed-rest for the next month._

_Instead she takes out all the anger and frustration on Runway—being in bed and not being allowed to climb stairs or venture out does not stop her from verbally charring her employees on a daily basis about their usual incompetence and garish layouts and cluttered designs, Nigel was the only respite._

_By the end of December Andy is victorious. All the reports read like it should and Miranda looks better than ever._

_On Christmas Day Andy puts a hand on Miranda's belly and murmurs 'Our last Christmas as a family of four.'_

_And everything in the world felt right to them, again, in that moment._

_Who knew words could mean things we'd never want them to mean._

* * *

A/N: I got myself some extremely cool prompts from theladyholl because I have so many feels, but I still haven't executed them!

Would love to hear from you!


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N 1:** Read disclaimers from Chapter 1 before proceeding.

**A/N 2:** Un-betaed, so all mistakes are mine and I'm warning you there are a lots of them coz I'm too lazy to proof-read!

**A/N 3:** Thank you for commenting, I love you ALL. Keep 'em coming, it helps me write better. Thanks!

"My heart might be bruised, but it will recover and become capable of seeing beauty of life once more. It's happened before, it will happen again, I'm sure."

-Paulo Coelho, _The Zahir_

23rd July 2009

9: 45 p.m.

Outside the Townhouse

She hasn't seen the face of this place since that fateful night, it's been over a year and yet not much has changed. Except the dynamics of the Priestly-Sachs household.

'Mommy, are you sure this is where she lives?' Chris tugs at Andy's hand and looks up at his mother's face, his crystal blue eyes shining with excitement.

Boy, is she sure.

'Umm, yeah I'm sure baby. Like I told you on the way, we were friends once but we lost touch, I've been here before! Come on.'

She's determined about this, she will apologize and thank Miranda inspite of whatever Miranda might have to say about it. Man up Andy, it's gonna be a long night.

She secures the pendant firmly in her left hand and rings the bell.

* * *

Miranda has long given up looking for the pendant and has instead taken to drowning her piteous self in a glass of whiskey. She is flabbergasted when she hears the door-bell ring and for her moment she thinks it's the whiskey clouding her senses, but then she hears it again. The distinct ring.

She can't deal with anyone now, not today, especially if it's one of those scumbags from work who seem to think she's interested in them.

She gets up and sways for a moment before steadying herself and walking towards the door. She won't open the door if it's an Eric or Adam or who so ever else.

But when she looks through the peephole she thinks it's the whiskey again.

Andrea is standing on the other side. Andrea is standing on the other side. _Andrea is standing on the other side._

Not tonight. She turns back and presses herself against the door suppressing a soul shattering sob, the door-bell rings again, signalling her back to reality.

She draws in a deep breath and gets ready for a long night.

* * *

She is standing at the other side of the door staring blankly at them.

Barefoot, in that grey robe, with those red rimmed eyes. Paris all over again.

Andy's resolution almost breaks and she wants to gather Miranda in her arms and whisper sweet nothings and caress her silky hair and run smooth circles on her soft ivory skin. Stop, stop, stop—she tells the voice inside her head!

It's Chris who breaks the awkward silence 'Hey! Can we come in? Mommy said it was too late but I wanted to come anyway! I knew you wouldn't mind.'

Miranda tears her eyes away from Andy and looks down at the little boy, smiles and then nods as she gets out of the way to let them in.

Chris gets in first and looks around, Andy hesitates and then walks in and is instantly drawn towards the familiar scent of the house. It still smells the same- wisteria, hints of gardenia and lilies, cinnamon and something unique- fruity and earthy which Andy always pegged down to Miranda's own scent.

Miranda silently tugs near Andy's neck to take her coat-like in the past- her hands touch the nape of her neck and both women almost jump at the touch.

Andy quickly shrugs it off and moves away, and Miranda turns instantly to put it inside the hall closet.

The townhouse looks exactly as Andy remembers it, every detail. Untouched.

They walk towards the drawing room and Andy takes her favourite bay window seat. Chris runs and joins his mother and looks out of the window fascinated by the empty streets with its streetlights.

Miranda settles on the sofa opposite them.

Awkward silence again. Chris looks between both women and scrunches up his eyebrows and jumps up and down before Andy gives him the death glare, he settles.

'Oh how awful of me-'

'We came to say-'

A moment of silence.

'Can I get you'll something?' Miranda says standing up.

'Umm..just water.' Andy croaks.

'Ice-cream!' Chris yells excitedly.

'Chris! Behave! No ice cream, it's too late for that!'

'But Mommy you promised! Remember!' Chris pleads.

'Yes, I remember sweet-heart! I distinctly remember your mother promising you ice-cream on the way to the hospital.' Miranda smirks glancing at Andy and then bends down in front of Chris to tuck a wispy strand of brown hair away from his face.

'I'll get you ice cream. It's only fair. I hope you're not going to school tomorrow, your wound needs to heal a bit more.' She isn't asking but stating to Andrea that her son won't go to school tomorrow. Typical Miranda.

'Choco-chip?' she asks and rubs a thumb against his cheek. She can't seem to stop herself with this boy, Miranda realizes, she wants to hug him, kiss him, spoil him, love him-be a mother to him.

'Yaayyyy! That's my favourite!' Chris sings and all but hurls himself into Miranda and envelops her in a hug.

And then, then Miranda forgets everything. The feeling of this little boy in her arms is very different from when Caroline and Cassidy hug her-they smell of strawberry and mint and joy but this is different- he smells like baby powder and milk and Christopher- her-their Christopher and Miranda can't breathe anymore. It's too much. She wants to cling onto him forever but also thrust him away at the same time. Too many emotions, too much grief. She begins to shiver involuntarily and is afraid she might start crying again, so she violently detaches herself from him and almost runs towards the kitchen.

'Woah Mom, did I do something wrong to Snow Fairy?'

'No sweetheart, I think she was in a hurry to get you the ice-cream!' Andy's heart breaks for the umpteenth time seeing Miranda this way. She can't see Miranda like this. Not this broken.

She might have moved on with her life but she still loves Miranda as much as she did a year back and she will continue to love her this way for her whole life. Their fight seems like a decade away and the memory of it is vague, she wants to hold on to the other innumerable happy memories. She wants to see Miranda happy again, and Andy realizes she is ready to do anything for that. Again. Even after last March.

* * *

Miranda Priestly likes to think she has enough self-control but tonight she seems to be failing on every account—she isn't crying per se, except the tears don't seem to stop as she prepares a bowl of ice-cream and a glass of Perrier on a tray.

She feels completely unhinged. She hasn't let herself think about the events from the past year, she hasn't analysed her feelings, she hasn't made an attempt to make herself truly happy again, but this boy makes him do all those things and she wants to hate him, throw him away and yet finds herself smiling as she adds an extra choco-chip serving to his bowl.

She wipes her eyes and makes her way to the drawing room and serves a very silent Andy and Chris.

'Did I make you cry Snow Fairy?' Chris says through a mouth full of ice-cream and Andy almost chokes on her water. He looks truly unhappy.

Miranda smiles, 'Silly boy! No, never! Now don't talk with food in your mouth.'

Chris grins.

Miranda wonders why they're here—perhaps Andrea wants to apologize for what she said. High time she did. And would she forgive her? She has already forgiven Andrea, after all she knows how astute her 'Andy' can be with words. She wants to ask about the locket too, but doesn't find the courage.

'Umm, we came to return something of yours!' Andy says as if reading Miranda's mind and walks over to where Miranda is sitting. Before she even knows what she is doing she unclasps the hook on the chain and puts it around Miranda's neck, 'I'm sorry for what I said earlier.' she whispers. Miranda trembles and then looks up. Their eyes meet for a moment and the emotions swirling in them are enough to annihilate the world. They look away immediately.

Andy stumbles back and returns to her seat while Miranda looks as white as a sheet of paper. Her hand instinctively reaches for the locket and she caresses the pendant with her fingers absentmindedly and stares at Andrea.

Then she manages a faint 'Thanks!'

'Does your name start with A?' Chris asks curiously.

'No dearest, my name is Miranda.'

'Miranda?' then a pause 'can I call you Snow Fairy still?' he looks pointedly at Miranda expecting a favourable answer.

'I suppose. It's your wish Christopher.'

Chris smiles, 'Why do you wear an 'A' then?'

Andy chokes on the water again, kids and their questions, 'Chris, you don't ask so many questions.'

'It's okay. I wear it because this is very precious to someone I knew—know. It's the most special gift I've ever got. Do you have one like that?'

'Umm, it's my crayon set at the moment. Do you know there are 25o of them in it! Mommy got it for me specially!' and then he saunters around the room with the air of someone who owns the world's greatest crayon set.

Miranda and Andy both laugh through unshed tears.

'Hey, Snow Fairy, are those your daughters?' he points to picture on the mantle of the fire-place. It's a picture of Miranda and the twins on the beach outside their Hamptons house. Andy's photography of course. Miranda had been 2 months pregnant by then and was already glowing. It had been a warm day with the sun gleaming off their faces, but their smiles had been more brilliant than the sun's light. It was one of Andy's favourite photographs, it had been her idea to put it in the living room because that's where she ventured first when she came back home every evening, and the photo was what she liked to look at first.

She is amazed it's still at its original place.

'Yes, they are. Caroline and Cassidy, they're thirteen. You did see them tonight?'

'Yep! Wheree arrrrreee they?'

'Asleep, unlike you Mister. Naughty boy.' She dares to ruffle his hair, 'And tell me, how old are you young man?'

He holds up five fingers and looks proud 'Five, but my teachers say I'm more like seven, because I can recite the 9 times table and draw the water cycle and I know all about our 206 bones. I take drawing classes too; I will show you all my drawings when you come to our home!'

Miranda who till now was in awe of the boy's smartness is now completely in shock as the little boy nonchalantly invites her to his home.

'Mom, when can Snow Fairy come to our place?' Chris says as he leaves his place next to Andy and goes to join Miranda on the sofa.

Both women look stumped.

'Caroline and Cassidy can come too! I'll show them the drawings too!' he shirks and moves even closer to Miranda now.

''Uh, uh, yes Miranda. Chris and I wanted to thank you for today. We would like if you and the girls can over for lunch this Sunday. Please?' Andy's tone is the sincerest of sincere.

'No.' Miranda's tone is equally sincere.

Andy's heart drops to her feet and she can feel tears prick at her eyes; Chris looks up at Miranda through a hooded gaze, clearly dejected.

'I can't make it for lunch on Sunday, I have a prior engagement. However, Sunday evening we are free, if that's okay with you'll?' Miranda looks from Chris to Andy, both of whom are already smiling with all of their 32 teeth.

'Yeah! I mean yes, umm, Sunday evening is absolutely great!' Andy beams.

Chris jumps up and hugs Miranda and then kisses her nose. Just like that. Like mother, like son.

Miranda beams too and for a moment everything in the world feels perfect again but the feeling is fleeting and she realizes she can't get used to this happiness. It's not for her, she isn't worthy of it.

'Umm, it's pretty late, we should get going. I'm sorry for having arrived un-announced, but umm, we had to, I mean, umm, we should leave!' she gets up and gestures at Chris to do the same.

They make their way quietly towards the door and Miranda again helps Andy with her coat. Sparks fly again. Both ignore it again, painfully.

'I'm sorry I didn't wake the girls, they have school tomorrow. They'll be infuriated about missing this.' Miranda smirks.

'Well, we always have Sunday. I'm sure they can more than make up. Goodnight, Miranda.'

'Goodnight Snow Fairy!'

'How will you go? Let me drop you both home, it's very late!' Miranda states.

'Oh no no, Miranda, we'll take a cab. You've already had a long day and then I'm sure you have an early start tomorrow. Don't worry, we'll manage.'

'If you're sure. Text me when you reach home. Number's still the same.' Miranda assumes Andrea still has her number, which of course she does, it still reads 'Cutiepie'—Miranda abhorred it publicly but adored it personally.

'Yes, we will. I will.'

'Goodnight Andrea. Goodnight Christopher.'

'G'nite Snow Fairy.' he says sleepily

Miranda watches them walk into the empty street and they hail a cab. The cool midnight air hits her face and she shivers momentarily-it evokes long forgotten feelings in her-hope, happiness and mirth. She smiles, then laughs and is truly surprised by the sound of it. No, she can't get used to this.

* * *

'Reached home. Chris is already asleep. Sorry and Thank you. Sincerely. Looking forward to Sunday. Sleep well.' Andrea's text reads.

'Yes. See you soon. Keep him safe. Goodnight.' Miranda replies.

Yes, Miranda is looking forward to Sunday too, she'll get to see Andrea again and the boy who is quickly claiming a place in her apparently stone cold heart.

She knows this will hurt even more when they go away this time. Leave her again. But she's already fallen into the trap and there is no way out, turns out she doesn't want one either.

Hope, my God, she lives on hope.

* * *

_Thanks for reading!_


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N 1:** Please read disclaimers from Chapter 1 before proceeding

**A/N 2:** Yes, the usual excuse of real life being a b**ch! It is, really, just believe me!

**A/N 3:** Thanks for reading and commenting, really helps me write.

**A/N 4:** Inspiration's been low these past few weeks, who knows why. I have the epilogue crystal clear in my mind but writing the chapters is proving to be a task, too many emotions, too much pain. Oh, and forgive me for incorrect medical information and breaches, I have absolutely NO prior knowledge, all of it is just Google the God.

Un-betaed so all mistakes are mine!

* * *

"_You're the closest I will ever come to magic."_

-_The Zygote Chronicles_, Suzanne Finnamore

_12__th__ February 2007_

_Dr. Susan Abassac's Clinic_

_5.07 p.m._

'_Ohkay, so let's see what we're seeing here!' Dr. Abassac said as she looked pointedly at the sonogram screen and moved the doppler across Miranda's stomach._

_Andy and Miranda concentrated on the screen a little too hard too. Andy tightened her grip over one of Miranda's white knuckled fingers and held her extremely rigid and tense body with another as they awaited the doctor's verdict._

'_So, like you already know you're approximately 32 weeks along, I'm too concerned about the foetal growth although it's bordering the lower limits, but after all the improvement you've shown over the months, a little more care for a few more weeks could give us the ideal picture. Everything seems to be in place and growing absolutely in line.' Both women released audible sighs and Miranda visibly relaxed against Andy's hand as a blush of colour flew into her cheeks. She can't afford to screw this up after all, there is too much to worry about, too much pressure, but the doctor says things are fine and Miranda quells all her concerns about extreme back-pains and occasional abdominal cramps._

_Then Dr. Abassac adds a 'But' and Andy deflates, she can't deal with more complications, she can't see Miranda suffer even more, 'as you can see here, the baby is in a breech position compared to the normal cephalic position.' Miranda notices at once and emits a small 'Oof'; Andy looks dazed, so Susan adds, 'generally during birth the child comes out head first, in the breech position the rear end appears first, which might create complications.' Susan can see panic flash through the young woman's eyes._

'_However, generally by the 36__th__ or 37__th__ week the baby changes positions to come to the cephalic one to accommodate itself in the mother's belly; but we need to be careful and keep close track of its movements. If by chance the ultrasound shows a breech position even at the 37__th__ week we can artificially change the position by various techniques like ECV, stimuli towards light etc which we can talk about as an when required. If nothing works, we'll have to drop the idea of a vaginal birth and go in for a Caesarean.'_

_Miranda looks indifferent, like she's accepted her fate of having to face every obstacle with this pregnancy but Andy looks terrified. Dr. Abassac's heart goes out to the bright young woman to whom this is still all very new, she looks softly at Andy and is forced to add, 'Don't worry Andy. I will take care of it, it's not a big deal, and we'll work it out.' It is then that the girl looks only a wee bit appeased._

* * *

_Over the course of the next two weeks Miranda tries every weird thing to change the baby's position-holding up her 'derriere' in the air which Andrea loves looking at, hips elevated onto a pillow, weird acupuncture tricks with 80% success rates, playing Mozart from different angles, but the baby's just like Andy-'stubborn' Miranda says, it refuses to budge._

_Miranda gets frustrated, Andy gets terrified and Susan calms them down-there are enough options open, it'll all be fine._

_Dr. Abassac asks them to start considering different birthing techniques in the subsequent appointment. _

_Miranda declares she's done it all and Andy enrols herself for Lamaze classes and devours every material on water births, hypno births and a million new techniques; she fills Miranda in every night who looks more and more uncomfortable and distracted with every passing day._

_Miranda listens to Andrea only half heartedly as she tries to keep up with the world and completely shut herself from the feeling of pain and discomfort -the constant back-ache, the swollen ankles, the heaviness and indigestion-Andy helps in every way possible-gives her massages, oil baths, makes her jasmine tea, rubs almond oil all over her oversized belly to prevent her skin from stretching, lulls her to sleep and treats her like a queen. Yet, yet with every passing day Miranda feels more tired and exhausted than ever._

_Andy and the twins stare wide-eyed when Miranda announces one chilly February night that she's gonna work from home. Andy becomes a walking zombie again-her parents tell her it's good preparation for the days to come and she tries even harder-builds up her stamina-becomes Miranda's personal assistant once again-she's beside Miranda at the drop of a hat and stays there until she is satisfied that Miranda is asleep, safe and not in pain._

_Andy has never worked this hard for anything in her life. With every passing day she realizes how crazily she wants this-she doesn't dread it-not at all-she just can't see Miranda in pain and wants it to be all over, so that she can become a parent, become a sleep deprived happy walking zombie because no matter how hard this is-it's worth it. Miranda, the twins and this boy, this little boy growing inside her wife is worth every hour of sleep she loses. _

_She still remembers the doctor's appointment on the cold yet sunny December day which informed them about the sex of the baby. Miranda had been far removed when it had come to selecting the donor or other trivial little details concerning the pregnancy but she had been very specific about wanting a son. She had very non-chalantly added that she wasn't ready to have a hooligan for a daughter who'd take after her biological mother at which she had been attacked by a series of tickles which had left her red-faced and horrified after which she had even more firmly pronounced her need for a son to protect her against his wild mother. She'd also very confidently assumed Andy was qualified enough to teach him golf, polo, cricket, charm and chivalry and Andy would have to take classes if she didn't._

_Andy on the other hand would have been equally happy with a son or a daughter, except she'd always dream of sparkling blue eyes and wispy brown ringlets of hair. Andy, in short, was too overwhelmed all the while to want anything. She'd been gifted with too many beautiful things all at once and she figured it only made sense to not want anything more. She'd be happy with whatever she got as long as Miranda was happy and safe._

_At the clinic God had listened to Miranda of course, Dr. Abassac had told them it was a boy- a boy, a son for them. Their son._

_She still remembers the look on Miranda's face-glowing with uncontainable happiness, that little smile she smiled whenever she was self satisfied and the gleam in her eyes. She remembers dancing at the townhouse with the twins, like a kid as her lover looked on, she remembers binging on Pizza and laughing till her jaws hurt. Miranda's expressions from that day are etched in her mind and she pulls it up at will every night before going to sleep and everything just melts away and life is perfect again. _

_A boy._

_Her son whom she can't wait to hold, to play with, to stay awake and stare into his eyes, to make him laugh, to kiss, to hug, to love and spoil him rotten._

* * *

_2__nd__ March 2007 _

_12:04 a.m._

_Foyer_

_Manhattan Townhouse_

_Andy tiptoes into the townhouse to keep its inhabitants from being woken up from sleep, God knows one woman in particular really really needs it._

_She tries to put back her coat into the closet soundlessly but of course she trips because of her stupid party heels and drops one of the vases onto the floor-thank God for the carpeted flooring! _

_She takes off those Godforsaken heels and mutters under her breath about how her eight month pregnant wife can bear to wear them day in and day out, good thing she's off he feet these days! She manages to retrieve the fallen vase and puts it back on the table without much further ado and makes her way upstairs towards the bedroom. _

_The floorboard squeaks under her two feet and she curses herself for having stayed out late but she couldn't have helped it- the office had thrown a party for having surpassed their primary rival in readership statistics for the first time in 10 years- apparently a lot of it had to do with Andy and her optimistic disposition-she'd been offered a promotion without much change in the salary, of course. She'd been happy and she couldn't have dodged a party which was partially being celebrated for her success. She had of course called up Miranda and given her the good news who had sounded more than enthusiastic and supportive about the promotion but deflated instantly when she heard the money part, nevertheless she had asked her to have a good time because she 'deserved' it._

_Andy had decided to get back home just in time to put the girls to bed but the tension from all the previous months and weeks, the momentary joy of the promotion and the impending familial happiness had made her forget all about the time and she had indulged in one too many drinks and danced like a teenager after a million years. She had done exactly what Miranda had asked her to do that is have a good time._

_Except now, at midnight she felt guilty for not having been able to speak to the girls and taking care of her very pregnant wife. She hated leaving Miranda alone at home in the mornings and worried all day about her calling up about a million times to check in on an irritated but nevertheless satisfied Miranda. She hadn't been able to do that today._

_She huffs and tiptoes up the steps and decides to settle down for the night in the guest bedroom-no need to wake Miranda up now with squeaky door hinges-God knows their son is a ball of energy keeping Miranda awake at the most odd hours of the day._

_She reaches the second floor landing and almost takes a right for the guest bedroom, when her eyes fall on the thin beam of light seeping from under the door of the master-bedroom._

_Miranda's awake, Andy's intoxicated, not drunk though but so not ready to face Miranda or any of her mood swings. What did you think Andy, you'd just slip into bed and cuddle with a sleepy Miranda?_

* * *

_12: 10 a.m._

_Master-Bedroom_

_Miranda looks with hawk like eyes from over her glasses as Andy slightly stumbles in. She pretends to be too absorbed in The Book and make a huge red cross across the page before looking up and scrutinizing Andy._

'_You're still awake!' Andy says in mock surprise and walks up to kiss Miranda's cheek and caresses her hand over the distended abdomen, then bends down to kiss it. Miranda shows no sign of acknowledgement._

_Woops. Instead she hisses ' No, I'm sleep-sitting.' She closes The Book with a smack and puts it on the bedside table then flings the pen, the poor thing falls outside the bathroom door, her Versace glasses experience a better fate as she takes them off and places them atop the book. _

_Andy sighs. She isn't ready for another of Miranda's mood swings. She walks towards her closet and rummages for sleepwear before hurrying into the bathroom (she also decides to pick up the pen and place it on the book)._

_She tries to take as much time as possible hoping against hope the Miranda dozes off-she changes, removes her make-up, braids her hair and all the while her head pounds enough for her to want to behead herself._

_Then she remembers that Miranda will probably behead her if she doesn't vacate the bathroom soon because Miranda might need to relieve the pressure on her bladder which seems to be increasing by the hour these days._

_She exits the washroom and almost trips on the red pen which is lying in front of the bathroom door, again._

_She picks it up again and puts it on top of the book. Miranda by now has settled under the covers but isn't lying down as yet. She has her lips pursed and a poker face, but Andy knows she's pissy and it's late so she hurries under the covers to prevent Miranda from staying awake any longer. She switches off her side of the bedside lamp and she just about to utter a goodnight when Miranda's voice rings clear into the night's silence_

'_Is this going to become a regular occurrence?' the tone of accusation spits venom from every angle._

'_What is?' Andy asks innocently knowing all too well what Miranda means. Even in the darkness Andy can see the anger and impatience in Miranda's eyes as she glares at Andy._

_It was going to be a long night. _

_Andy sighs, 'Miranda, I told you, I got a promotion and they threw this party-and I had to be there, I would have-'_

'_Being a parent is a responsible job. I don't expect you to be one to the girls but if you don't remember and if my huge presence doesn't remind you, you do have a child coming!'_

_Now Andy was seeing red,her- not a parent to the girls, what bullshit!_

'_What did you say? You don't expect—let me remind you I am the one who drops them and picks them up from school, I play video games with them and make popcorn and cupcakes and I help them with their homework, I DO IT not because it's my duty because I love doingit, just like a parent would. Don't you dare imply anything else. And yes, I remember perfectly about my son, our son. One day—one fucking day-'_

'_Mind your language' Miranda rolls her eyes._

'_Oh fuck the language, how dare you bring up the girls? How dare you say they're not mine?' her head pounds in her skull and she can feel the tears pricking at her eyes. Miranda Priestly can be the cruelest human being on the face of the earth if she wants to._

'_Well, now with the way you put it, I highly doubt if the girls are mine since I seem to do nothing for them. It's all you, isn't it? What happened tonight then? Were you hiding in their room to kiss them goodnight, because I didn't see you there!' Miranda seethes. _

'_One night, one bloody night I decide to take a break and you're having some weird hormone induced anxiety attack. This, whatever you think will not be a regular occurrence, understood?' Andy shivers with anger and frustration. 'It's been a tough past few months and I think I deserved tonight, whatever you might think, every parent does, so do you. Even after he is born WE WILL HAVE A NIGHT OFF, once in a while, understood?' _

_Miranda smiles ruefully 'Parents don't get a break, understood?' she mimicks Andrea 'You think it's been easy for me, talk about difficult, it's been a cakewalk for me hasn't it? Being a parent means having to forget about your own whims and fancies, do I get a day off from swollen feet and nausea and the million other humiliating things I have to face every day?'_

'_Ugh, Miranda, this isn't going anywhere, I won't apologize for going for a drink with my colleagues, I'm happy about our newspaper's performance and my promotion but of course it was too much for you to pretend to be happy for a day, atleast for me! I know what you go through every day and you know what I feel about this whole thing, I can't believe-' and with that the first fat drop of tear fell down Andy's blazed cheeks. _

'_Oh—oh please! I'm-stop this now, I'm just saying do not make this a habit. I told you, you were too young for this.' She waves her hands wildly around the room and decides to get out of bed. Andy does too. 'Once he's here you'll need to realize being a parent is not about staying out till midnight but staying up to let him sleep.'_

'_Okay, okay, that's it!' Andy wipes at her eyes furiously 'You know what? I feel like you don't want this, is that it? Telling me I'm too young, indirectly alluding to the fact I am not right for you—not, not rich enough, not man enough, not responsible enough, what Miranda what?' Andy wishes their closed door and a flight of stairs was enough to keep the twins asleep._

'_STOP SHOUTING!' Miranda screeches as a pained expression mottles her features while she presses a hand to her abdomen and releases a strained breath. Andy stands paralysed with fear, shaking, wide-eyed—what was happening? Was she responsible for whatever was happening to Miranda right now? Oh God, what was she going to do-_

'_Braxton Hicks I've been having them for a while now, I'm sorry you haven't noticed.' Miranda says calmly as the contraction subsides. Her face which had gone beet red a while back seems to quickly regain its pale luminescent hue, she looks radiant and Andy in that moment wants to make Miranda believe that she'd do anything Miranda expected her to do, that she was sorry, that she was not ready to lose Miranda, this life, their life with the twins and their son, that she'd die without Miranda and no she wasn't exaggerating it a bit, that without knowing she had reached this point in her life where she merely drew breath for Miranda and for her alone. _

_So she tries to do just that. She walks up to where Miranda is standing at the other side of the bed but didn't dare touch her 'Okay, I'm sorry. Sorry for shouting and getting back so late. Look, all I'm saying is that we all need a break once in a while, I don't regret going out today but I should have come back earlier. Miranda,' Andy pleads and tries to look her lover in the eyes but in vain 'Look, I know my responsibilities and I love being with you. I know you know that but-oh, just please believe me okay, I'm gonna be here forever' as if Miranda was worried about Andy leaving her more than Andy being worried about Miranda throwing her out._

'_Don't say things you don't mean' Miranda spat._

_Brilliant!When was this stubborn woman going to understand, Andy would never lie to Miranda._

'_I mean every word Miranda, I'm here for the whole thing even if you don't believe me now, even if you think I'm too naive and simple headed. All I'm saying is I'm capable, I can do this.' She pleads and then appends an extra 'Please.' _

_Miranda always starts these stupid fights and then Andy ends up crying and apologizing even if Miranda's in the wrong but Andy doesn't care because if that's all that it takes to transform Miranda from the ruthless editor to the woman she loves she's ready to do it a thousand times over and she will willing to bet all this is going to abate once the hormones stop wreaking havoc on Miranda's nerve receptors._

_Miranda keeps staring at Andy with this unreadable look on her face probably gauging the sincerity of this young woman's words or thinking of a scathing retort or even thinking about dismissing Andy with the wave of her hand. Instead—_

'_What makes you so sure I want you here 'forever'?' Miranda quirks an eyebrow and smirks._

_It's over. The ebb tide has receded and left all the starfish intact on the shore, no destruction, no malice, no apprehension left. Everything is alright again, hormones decide to cooperate again, and Andy smiles._

_In that moment she knows that Miranda believes her-believes the Andy loves her and is capable, worthy and meant solely for her. She believes that Andy was and always will be the missing piece to her life's puzzle._

_The bedroom lights go out and they go to bed happy. Andy even dares to cuddle Miranda who willingly allows it._

* * *

_3:15 a.m._

_Master Bedroom_

_Whoever's trying to pry away the fluffy pillow she's cuddling into is gonna have a bloody end if they don't stop soon. She tugs at the pillow again and draws it in further, the pillow resists. The pillow resists? Andy is ready to put a stop to this dumb assery because she has a pounding headache and she needs her sleep. She needs to buy mittens for the baby in the morning—flying bibs and liquid watery balloons-and then she suffers a major blow to her stomach._

'_Stop crushing me, wake up! . !' Andy open's her eyes to dizzyingly bright sunlight—? She can't seem to open her eyes because someone is hammering her head._

'_Andrea, Andre-aaah' a grave groan ' ' .Hicks.' Miranda says through clenched teeth._

_Andy has some weird recollection about Hicks—some economist, eyes still closed. She wonders why Miranda is talking economists in bed._

'_Andrea, I'm going to the hospital, my water just broke. I think I'm having the baby.' Her voice almost choking over the last word._

_And then and then Andy wakes up with the speed of light, thoroughly and completely and throws the covers away before getting up and starting work on autopilot mode._

_The only thing that her mind kept repeating the moment she registered what was happening was: It's too early. Keep them safe. It's too early. Keep them safe. It's too early..._

* * *

**_Yeah, so tell me? Does this qualify for a long update? Next up, dinner with the Sachs' and Priestly's, hope Chris can work his magic! So I'd say 5-6 more chapters and an epilogue and then this'll be done! And I'm not kidding, inspiration strikes whenever I see even a single new comment!_**


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